Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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