don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
