I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
