Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
do herpes really smell.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
