i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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