GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's never too late to be topless.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize