Porn is love you can see.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
