I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
