I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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