i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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