i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
