I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
