Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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