Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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