Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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