Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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