I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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