He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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