Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
