lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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