i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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