bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
