i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
