Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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