so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
