was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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