he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We need to get me chipped asap
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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