you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
tell me about the eggs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
