Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
