the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
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