Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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