YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
