Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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