I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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