there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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