i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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