Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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