Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
True strength comes from lack of pants
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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