Yo dont text me then not text me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
