How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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