So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
