hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize