I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
