Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's official drugs can't kill me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
