So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
As shirtless as possible
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize