Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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