What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
