what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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