I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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