The maid of honor just puked.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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