Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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