do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
