I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
