he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
