Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize