I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You are a genius and a whore.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
