oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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