So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
