Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
