Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
false alarm. still invincible.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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