she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
farters have to be the big spoon...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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