Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
MIDGETS
????
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
