he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
