if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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