the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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