I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
