covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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