"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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