Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Welp...herpes.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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