I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
A+ Viking dick
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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