It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
