since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
