I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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