making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
