morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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