A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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